Concerning Pinkie Pie

Hrmm…

What's up? What's wrong?

I can't figure out how to start this-

Dialogue?

Wait, what? How'd you know I was going to say-

That?

Quit it!

But I can't! My Pinkie sense tells me what you're gonna say!

Your…what?

My Pinkie sense! I borrowed it from Pinkie Pie! Don't tell her though. I tweaked it so that I can predict what someone's gonna say!

Who's, um, Pinkie Pie?

YOU DON'T KNOW PINKIE PIE?! SHE'S ONLY THE MOST SUPER FANTASTIC ULTRA FUNNERIFC AMAZINGLY PARTYTOOSHUS PONY WHO'S EVER PARTIED IN EQUESTRIA!!!

Partytooshus? That's not even a-

You can also call her the pretty pink pony premier of parties in Ponyville! Isn't that a wonderful title?

It's more of an overly alliterative title to me, but you haven't really told me-

DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE HAS BALLOONS ON HER BUTT? DID YA? DID YA?

Er, no, I did not. But what does that have to d-

Those balloons stand for how she can PAAAAAARTAAAAAAAAY!!!

So she's a party organizer? That's an interes-

Well not really! She's more of a bak-

Quit that!

Quit what?

Interrupting me! What is this? Some part of your "Pinkie sense"?

Of course not silly! I just have so many things to say! I can't just wait forever or my gums will fall off!

And that would be a bad thing because? And can gums even fall off?

Because then I can't go on and on about Pinkie Pie!

Well I wouldn't mind if you talked about her so long as you let me get some questions in.

Oooh, ok! I can do that!

So no interrupting me when I'm speaking.

Okie dokie lokie! Or is it oki doki loki? Or is it-

Alright enough!

Hey! You interrupted me!

That's because you're saying things that are nothing more than insipid nonsense.

Ooh, what's insipid? It sounds like "it sipped it"! It sipped it! It sipped it! It sipped it!

Ugghhhh…

What's the matter? Are you constipated?

What?! I am not constipa-

Because I know what will cheer you up from your I-feel-down-because-I'm-constipated mood!

So much for not interrupting.

A PARTY!!!

How will a party help me with my "constipation"?

A party makes everything better! It's what Pinkie Pie would do! There would be cakes and muffins and chips and sarsaparilla and balloons and streamers and GAMES LIKE PIN-THE-TALE-ON-THE-PONY!!! DOESN'T THAT SOUND EXCITING?!!

…haaah, what about cupcakes? Surely a party like this has cupcakes.

…

What, you're finally quiet now?

Cupcakes have made me nauseous as of late. I'll pass on that, no thank you!

Why? It's not like cupcakes are made of rainbow ponies.

Ehhhhhh, let's just say I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy's cousin's sister's fiancé—OOH I LOVE WEDDINGS DID YOU KNOW PINKIE PIE WAS AT THIS WEDDING RECENTLY AND THERE WAS THIS BIG MEANIE PANTS SWISS CHEESE BUG LADY-

Get on with it!

Oki dokie loki! Or is it Okie doki lokie? Anyway, there are stories of a dark tale of a scary work of fiction that has Pinkie doing terrible things to ponies! It's just dark and scary!

O…k? Is Pinkie Pie the type to snap and do terrible things?

OF COURSE NOT!!! Well, there was that one time she was talking to a sack of flour and a pile of rocks—DID YOU KNOW SHE USED TO WORK ON A ROCK FARM?! HOW COOL IS THAT! No wait, that sounds kind of booooring!

A…rock farm?-

Is unrelated to what I'm saying! Well anyway, she totally got over it and wasn't a grumpy mcgrumperson anymore and she had a birthday party with her friends and EVERYTHING LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

Um, ok. So is this some story of her life or some kind of fairy tale?

It's the story of how New Old Jersen-Yorktown was made!

New Old Jerse—what? Nevermind how that place doesn't exist, how the heck-

Hay.

Argh! How the hay does that fit into a story about Pinkie Pie?!

We were telling stories about Pinkie Pie?! OOH I LOVE PINKIE PIE!!! LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT HER!!!

NO! NO MORE STORIES THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE.

But-

No.

Not even just one-

NOPE!

Awww, someone's a no-storytelling-meanie-mcdoodoopants!

…

So anyway-

Does she talk like you?

Who?

Pinkie Pie!

Um…maybe? OOH, THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF I TALKED LIKED HER! IT WOULD BE SO SUPER FANTASTIC!! MS. LIBMAN WOULD BE SO PROUD TOO!!!

Ms. who?

er's apprentice.

Ms. Er's apprentice? What kind of name is that?!

No silly! Baker's apprentice! That's what Pinkie Pie does for a living! The partying is just her own personal and pink thing! And what kind of name is Ms. Er's apprentice?! Pfft, that's just so silly!

…

… ♥? ☻. ☺!

How are you even…nevermind. I don't need to know. I'm going to go lie down.

Whaaat?! You can't leave now! I was just gonna tell you the story of how Pinkie Pie founded Dirtville! It's a gem!

[Fin]